Open the Boxes, Oliver

The charges

• Ordering equipment with genuine, documented excitement — then achieving nothing.
• Referring to a sealed box as "sorted".
• Keeping gadgets in "mint, unopened condition" despite having no intention of ever selling them.
• Telling colleagues he'll "have a play with it at the weekend". Weekend count so far: many.
• Possession of packaging with intent to not remove it.

The hostages — official liberation checklist

Tick each one off as it is finally released from its cardboard prison. The list grows as new deliveries join The Pile.

• 🖨️ Bambu Lab 3D Printer — capable of printing literally anything, including the tools needed to open the other boxes.
• ❄️ Air Conditioning Unit — survived an entire heatwave without leaving the box. The irony is not lost on the box.
• 📡 Sonoff Zigbee Dongle — dreams of pairing with something. Anything. Currently paired only with bubble wrap.
• 🖥️ Mac Mini — one of the most powerful small computers ever made, currently computing nothing at record efficiency.
• ❓ Mystery Box — contents unknown. Possibly even to Oliver. Ordered with confidence, forgotten with ease.

"Every unopened box contains a toy that believes in you, Oliver. Even the cables. Especially the cables." — The Campaign for the Liberation of Gadgets (est. this morning)